Speaking up can be interpreted as volunteering so maybe
it's best to stay quiet.
When the plane is crashing down start running.
If you climb up while the lights are on go down slowly
when the lights are out.
We should be eating wake in a minute or two. Wash
When in doubt engage the cry baby.
Let's moon 'em. Jayne
Yeah, that was some pretty risky sittin' you did there.
It's all about the shiny hat.
Maybe I'm not a fancy gentleman like you with your very fine hat but I do business.
If you're dead you can't get paid.
Better some supper than a lecture on the wickedness of your ways.
Dry your hands after washing them after taking a piss.
Can we maybe vote on the whole murdering people issues? Wash
Pain is scary. Jayne
Some people just suck at the whole lying thing.
You know it's Reavers when the ship is operating without core containment.
When Reavers Are Coming Tips
1. Don't run because they will chase you.
2. Remain calm.
3. Grab a weapon.
4. Grab a loved one's hand.
The sky can be an awfully crowded place.
You just gotta have faith in people. Kaylee
Shoot the one that shot you after all it's their turn.
You can't depend on luck.
When you're standing right next to the person you tend to come through loud and
It's not nice to beat on a Sheperd.
Just because you're flat on your back doesn't mean you can't shoot.
When you're shot at expect the armor to get dented.
Beating up an innocent man doesn't exactly make you a man that upholds the law.
Sometimes a wife needs her husband to tear off all her clothes and have someone
else do the driving.
You're a dummy if you think your brother won't rescue you from the evil school
you're trapped at.
When on the run it's best to keep moving.
A ship should have a medic on board for medical emergencies.
It's time to shut up when the guy wants words.
And I'm thinking you weren't burdened with an over abundance
of schooling. So why don't we just ignore each other till we go away. Mal
If you're gonna insult
someone do it to their face.
A bar stool is great for hitting people.
Threaten to blow a new crater in the moon in a threatening voice even if you are
just a transport ship because a good bluff can fool the yokels.
Nightmares can be a real bitch especially when it's something that actually happened.
Hitting someone with a closed fist can occasionally be hilarious.
Sir, I think you have a problem with your brain being missing. Zoe
Some people get snappy when they're about to be lowered onto a train.
I'm not flying anywhere without my wife. Wash
Sometimes it's best to be late.
Did he just go crazy and fall asleep? Wash
When in doubt say he's your indentured man.
To get rid of the odor bathe on a regular basis.
Sometimes you change your mind especially when it involves medicine.
It's a nice shot as long as you hit the right person even if it was the head you
were aiming for.
It's always good to take time out to play.
Yeah I selflessly turned us both into wanted fugitives. Simon
It's impressive what nothing can do to a man like that fella we bumped into. He
likely stuck up under our belly about now. Jayne
It's hard to sleep when people are screaming.
Make sure you put your suit on right.
A locked door's like to be a good sign that something valuable is behind it.
Looked bigger when I couldn't see him. Jayne
Reavers don't leave survivors.
People have layers that can be unpeeled at times.
Labor is just another word for slaves.
Probably, but I've been sane a long while now and change is good. Wash
Don't compare a girl to a ship.
Girls like pretty things.
Add wood alcohol to make a not bad beverage.
Now we're favored guests treated to the finest in beverages that make you blind.
Sometimes the dislike isn't irrational.
No one likes to have their feelings hurt.
If you're not speaking to someone you don't say anything and that includes telling
them that you're not speaking to him.
Some girls can carry off their ruffles.
Tight pants show off the butt.
It's better when the dress code is easier and you know all the steps.
Sleeping is weakness of character. Ask anyone. Wash
Lock the door to keep out the power hungry maniac at bay.
Here lies my beloved Zoe my autumn flower.
Somewhat less attractive now that she's all corpsified and gross.
Rudeness can be forgiven when it's done to useless people that are also bitchy.
News flash you can't actually own a person,
Some guys are just begging to be punched.
Be careful for what you agree to because it could turn out to be a duel to the
Up until the punching, it was a real nice party. Kaylee
It's good to know which end of the sword to use.
Some fights you just don't want to back down from.
No getting naked as a diversion unless you're really in the mood.
Use the diversion that comes up.
Speed is more important than strength.
Just in the case that it happens, that means that he's the fellow who killed me
and I don't like fellows who kill me, not in general. Mal
Swords as a rule tend to be sharp.
The best thing to do is avoid the pointy end of the sword.
Some lose their head in the heat of battle.
No. A bad day is when someone's yelling spooks the cattle. Mal
Brains are not meant to be rutting playgrounds.
When there's cattle there's a bunch of crap so watch your step.
Clandestine dealings should go smooth.
Stay away from sharp and dirty objects.
Cows don't have smallish droppings.
Some planets are very uninviting.
Sometimes a girl just feels like dancing.
Things rarely go smoothly.
Pay attention to your surroundings to avoid getting a bag stuck on your head and
You can keep a spare hankie in the hole in a shoulder.
Dear Diary, Today I was pompous and my sister was crazy. Today we were kidnapped
by hill folk, never to be seen again. It was the best day ever.
Don't be afraid to ask what a word means.
Don't expect someone to get excited about a place where a guy was taken to by
a gang of kidnappers.
Some places just give you an uncomfortableness.
Everyone's got a tale to tell.
It's been a big day, what with the abduction and all. Simon
Some people just know stuff.
It's actually poisoner in that plucky little line about killing.
Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live is so very wrong.
It just makes a son go all warm inside when your father turns his back
No, they don't. Men of God make everyone feel guilty and judged. Mal
God doesn't kill people ignorant lunatics do.
Now you can luxuriate in a nice jail cell but if your
hand touches metal, I swear by my pretty floral bonnet I will end you. Mal
You gotta love a flower hat.
One should actually have a say in whether a guy's got a wife or not.
It's better to have the cooking than the crying.
Remember that sex we were planning to have ever again? Zoe
If the guy's done eating finish up after all damn tasty boa shouldn't go to waste.
Even though you're not looking for a fight they can still find you.
If you want to be taken seriously don't name your favorite gun Vera.
Go play with your rain stick. Mal
When things get a little too interesting you long for dullness.
Every planet has its own weird customs.
Some moons enjoy juggling baby geese.
Rooms are made for sleeping.
Two fleshes don't always become one.
But she was naked and all articulate. Mal
Sometimes you need a Plan B.
Should is sometimes all you got.
There has to be an easier way to steal. Mal
If you try to play someone again you just might end up riddled with holes.
Swear when it ain't appropriate.
Have good sex. Kaylee
When you come to a place that makes mud don't be surprised when you end up with
some mud on your clothes.
You're definitely remembered when there's a statue with your name on it.
Some places peck harder than others.
Jayne the man they call Jayne
He robbed from the rich and he gave to the poor
Stood up to the man and he gave him what for
Our love for him now ain't hard to explain
The hero of Canton the man they call Jayne
Now, Jayne saw the mudders' backs breakin'
He saw the mudders laments
And he saw the magistrate talkin'
Every dollar and leavin' five cents
So he said you can't do that to my people
He said, you can't crush them under your heel
You can't strap them on his back
Stole everything Boss Higgens had to steal
Now here is what seperates heroes
From common folk like you and I
The man they call Jayne he turned 'round his plane
And let that money hit sky
Everyone wants to go to a crappy town where they are a hero.
Some hair do's can cause screaming.
Know when to take a hint.
Put the hair away to avoid scaring a person.
Some people have no clue what a menu is.
Having sex doesn't make you a man being a man does
A sir to the wrong person can get your ass kicked.
Keep bashing the head against the ground till he's dead.
For some all people have is being proper.
It's my estimation that every man ever got a statue made of him was one kind of
a son of a bitch or another. Mal
Give a good blow to the candles on the birthday cake.
Chocolately-tasting frosting is always a good goal.
You know you're in trouble when the genius hasn't been called a genius.
When in doubt go with pure adrenaline.
Everyone gets afraid sometimes.
It's good to look on the bright side like freezing to death before you run out
I guess the news that we're all gonna be purple and bloated and fetal in a few hours
has made me a little snippy. Wash
Do something instead of whinging.
Sometimes you make do with what you got.
Everybody dies alone. Mal
Offerin' to shoot us might not work so well as an incentive as yo might imagine.
Seven percent's low.
The funny smell is incense.
A person isn't too keen on eating something that smells like crotch.
No spitting at the table or ever.
Government run facility would be restocked in a matter of hours which makes
it a good place to strike.
It's key to look like you belong.
Pulling Off A Hospital Heist
1. You need to blend in.
2. You need IDs and uniforms and keycards.
3. Slip some bills in the right places.
4. Come up with an alias and some creative forging.
5. Know the right things to say which requires some practice.
6. Have the right vehicle that just screams official.
Stabbing a guy can make him a bit ornery.
Rules Of The Heist
1. We speak only when spoken to.
2. We avoid all unnecessary contact.
3. We stay together until we reach the morgue.
4. You see anyone, smile.
5. Save the smoochies until you're back on Serenity.
It's good to be prepared just in case although you might not need to say a thing.
When in doubt write a list on your arm.
No screeching while trying to make a quiet getaway.
Sometimes things blow right up in your face and rightly so when you turn traitor.
A guy shoves me, I shove him. Jayne
It's polite to answer a person's question.
You answer my very simple question or you shoot me. Simon
Pick the right moment to act.
Things rarely ever go according to the grand plan.
It's best to go away from the sounds of screaming if possible.
You have to improvise when you don't have a keel to haul the traitor.
A government is a body of people usually notably ungoverned.
Just to be on the safe side cut your apples instead of just munching on them.
A large semi-muscular man can handle the truth.
Throwing up is a really sucky side effect.
Some people are just plain rude.
It's time to hit the ground when you see a red light shine on the guy's forehead
standing in front of you.
You know you've been kidnapped when you're blindfolded and your hands are tied and
you're taken somewhere.
Get your issues out while you're being tortured.
One should get a discount when the men she's trying to buy back are perhaps damaged.
A wife will choose her husband over her Captain.
A refund should involve money not body parts.
Don't forget the grenades when going on a unisex.
Leave no man behind. Wash
Some plans have a lot of if's in them.
Take cover when throwing grenades.
If you get the chance use the instrument of torture on the torturer.
Don't think, just shoot.
If you can't shoot just go for cover.
Haven't you killed me enough for one day? Mal
It kinda busts you when you say the guy's name before
you are even introduced.
You just talk plainly is all.
Well, as a rule I say girl folk ain't to be trusted. Jayne
Jayne ain't a girl! If she starts in on that girl's name thing. I'll show her good
and all I got man parts. Jayne
Well, then this is a day I'll feel good to be me. Mal
Yeah, he might come back and hug us in the act. Mal
Sneak out the item while the one with the gun is pointing it at the other person
in the room.
I hate to bring up our imminent arrest during your crazy time, but we gotta go.
Addressing the itch of your curiousness you marry him too? Mal
Digging in the trash can cause one to look horrific.
Stick the trash where it belongs until someone comes by to pick it up.
Sometimes you need to talk tcrazy.
It doesn't always take brain to scare a guy witless.
Think before you speak so you don't end up scaring
the girl away.
Make sure you give the change back.
Jayne's Letter From Home
My dear boy,
I hope you are well and that you get this soon in your travels. Thank you for the credits you forwarded. They have helped
as Mattie is still sick with the dang long. I made you the enclosed to keep you warm in your travels. Hope to hear from you
Love, your mother
Better a funny hat than a dead guy.
Stealth is key when in a battle zone.
Well, at least they covered dropping your weapon so you can eat beans and get
yourself shot. Zoe
First rule of battle, little one don't ever let them know where you are. Zoe
There are other schools of thought where you tell the bad guys where you are.
Someone's carrying a bullet for you right now, doesn't even know it. The trick is,
die of old age before it finds you. Mal
It don't make no sense when your post turns out to be a dead guy.
Human transport on a postal route is very, very illegal. Annon
Then don't strain your brain trying. Might break something. Mal
Getting a dead guy in the mail doesn't count as fun.
Transportation of human cargo, especially dead cargo, through the Allied postal
system is punishable by 5 to 10 years on a penal moon.
Not that I get flush with corpses or anything. I ain't crazy. Jayne
When in doubt do shadow puppets.
A person deserves an explanation when you get yourself all corpsified and mailed
Hold on to something when you're in for a bumpy ride.
It helps when the pilot is awake to do the flying.
When you can't run or crawl you find someone to carry you.
A bwahh is a warrior-like cray that strikes fear into
the hearts of people.
The distress doesn't always take place in someone's pants.
When one is eavesdropping one tends to hear stuff.
When one is independent and not registered with the Guild then one is a whore.
You get paid to keep the arrangement all business like.
Can I start getting sexed already? Jayne
Warn about the one that's kind of horrific.
Were I unwed, I would take you in a manly fashion. Wash
Reason doesn't always enter into things.
When fighting one needs to size up the one that's gonna be fought with.
The she may actually be the lady and not the gun no matter how fancy.
When the math doesn't add up it's time to run.
Well, lady, I must say you're my kind of stupid. Jayne
It's good to keep your wits about you when it comes to fighting.
Guns often come with a history of violence and crime.
Like it or not compliations crop up.
For some it takes more than a few drinks to render judgement blurry.
One doesn't want a Sheperd around when planning to do something sinful.
If a man tells you to get on your knees that's your cue to kick him in the nuts.
Sometimes the snide remark is just a mask when one is hurting.
Remember shoot the man, not the horse. A dead horse is cover. A live horse, great
pile of panic. Mal
Turn the radio off when feeling dirty or girlish.
Save any talking for after the imminent violence.
Good reflexes are key when bullets start flying.
When you're elite you should also be naked.
Beware the evils of sake.
Some direct that energy elsewhere.
A tree branch isn't always that because sometimes it could turn out to be a gun.
Fully loaded, safety off. This here is a recipe for unpleasantness. Mal
When deep in space, corner of No and Where you need to be extra careful of your
moon mad sister.
Sometimes you're not as alone as you think you are.
Bullets are made of soft lead.
How did your brain learn human speech? Wash
Some people are just mean to be funned with.
Nothing says crazy like a guy that licks a post.
I can't keep track of her when she's not incorporeally possessing a spaceship.
Bounty hunters as a rule don't have good intentions and aren't honorable.
Well, my sister's a ship. We had a complicated childhood. Simon
Watch out for very blurry guys.
Sometimes you just have to trust when questions can't be answered due to time
Is his face wearing armor? Wash
Some talk too much.